Pro re nata.

expecting the worst, always surprised, when the bar is set so low, that it's so easy to hurdle, but, fear, inevitability, single lone headlight, whistle from afar, the gentle rumble on the train tracks, and it's coming. slowly and surely, it's coming. unsure, scared, afraid, yet resigned, accepted, foreshadow? to expect so much, to almost know the future before it even happens, to consider the possibility as history, the future as the past, looking beyond, the steps to take, the paths, the opportunities? the choices, hard or soft, and, holding out little hope for the lightning strike, the slim possibility, the balls bouncing, and restrictions removed, and horizons opened, worries lifted, but a whole new can of worms. tick tick tick.

Feels like another rush of work at work. Comes in waves I guess. Calm, then storm. One bonus of working in the office: I'm gathering Foursquare mayorships by the handful. Of course, they aren't the most healthy of places to be mayors of, but still, it's something. First day of the new year had daddy day care. Sunday we actually left the house to go to Whole Foods to get meat for dinner, which ended up being carpaccio, tartare, and white chocolate raspberry cheesecake (which ended up not so good). Oh, and throw in a chicken burrito from Taco Burrito Palace in there as well. Last night Lucy decided to cry a lot in bed. Oh, we also had to lower the crib, since Lucy's now sitting and sometimes standing in there. More like a real baby's room now. Definitely harder to get her in there for sleeping. But she seems to like looking out behind the bars. Hope that's not a sign. But back to her crying in bed, I eventually got her after a couple spells, because I was worried about a diaper full of poop, except there wasn't any, and then she didn't want to go back to bed. Eventually just had to let her cry herself to sleep, otherwise, none of us would have gotten any sleep.

inflection. good word. tipping point. should read that book. choices to be made. limited. removed. but choose. and choose wisely. growth, development, self reflection, fulfill purpose, expected, assumed, the statue in a block of marble. it's on the inside. it's in the gut. and still waiting. going through the motions. wanting to start singing songs, and reminded briefly of a glimpse, but wondering. hence all the musing. next. the number ticket counter, click click. next. what'll ya' have? click click. crumple crumple and put the number in the little garbage basket they have set out next to the free samples of cube yellow cheese on toothpicks. i see what i don't want, but can't see what i do. least hard place. not as rocky as the other. sliding, avoiding, instead of driving, shoving, leaning forward. tubing down the river vs. powerboats in the ocean.

switched. sidestep. and the question if the path was parallel, but different, all along. fit better? better fit? always expected, expectation, living up to it, hoping it'll be better, but excitement, energetic, movement, interaction, immediate results, not as much legacy, so much opportunity, so much to do, and spread so thin, but not deep at all, and maybe that plays to strengths, breadth, instead of depth, and why it makes more sense on this side of the fence. like a duplex, and changed address from a to b. but absolutely crazy. and only going to get worse, before it gets better. and the hope that i do a good enough job that the job almost goes away. automation is key. always pluses and minuses, and i hope the minuses aren't too big, and i hope the minus isn't about family. but overall a good thing. an actual embrace of change, new for me, a change for me, a good change

Got a new job. Same company, different job. Instead of a Systems Consultant I'm now an Information Systems Analyst. I changed houses from the Development to the Operations. A lateral move. It's a good thing. I'd say the only bad thing? I no longer work from home. So that only lasted 9 months. But the good thing about working in the office? I can start commuting by bike again. But I've actually got to wear real clothes all the time, and I'm eating out, unless I start packing lunches, which I've tried, but never succeeded at doing long term. And it eats into family time. Since I have a family now. When I was working from home, the lack of commute time meant more at home time. So I'll miss that. So it's been a pretty crazy week, starting to get things organized, work emergencies, last minute changes, fixes, enhancements, attempts at product rollouts. Just crazy. Hoping it quiets down so I can settle in and start plowing through projects. The only other new thing was selling AAPL at what I thought was an all time high on Tuesday, which of course, it kept rising through the week. Oh well. Got enough to buy a new MacBook Air (11-inch Late 2010) since my old MacBook was finally falling apart (molding came off the screen and the letter Q was broken). Now you might think who cares about the Q, but CTRL+Q in Outlook is Mark as Read, which is quite useful. But the MacBook Air, bought on Saturday at the Lincoln Park Apple Store, is absolutely amazing. Really really fast, despite having a lower clock speed than my previous MacBook, but seriously, SSD makes things so amazing. I really can never go back to something slower. Only issue is that Parallels has issues displaying Windows 7 in full screen, something about a non-standard resolution (1366x768), causes the video to go skewed. Instead running in Coherence. Took down my work computer at home and will bring it back in at some point. Moved the iMac over.

movement. moving. action. active. too much, constant going, go go go. crazy. odd. strange. no time for thinking, no time for thought, and it's comforting. comfort in activity. peace of mind in movement. calm roiling seas. sailing. sailing is the concept, the framework. not the doldrums, but the constant movement, the wind blowing, filing sails, and going, adjusting, things to do, in the mind of sailing, the zen, wheels, cogs, gears, levers, machinery, but it's nice, change of pace.

The gloss is off the new job. Didn't take long. It's like 1000 miles per hour, with no signs of let up yet. It's crazy. So much to learn, so much to do, go go go. Hope I can keep it up. In other news, snow. Might have to get a new Mac mini too, since the ethernet port keeps dropping off. Ugh. Dropped by the Lincoln Park Apple Store last night after work. Forgot to get an extra charger on Saturday. Ended up buying from Jon, the same guy I got the MacBook Air from on Saturday. Also loving the new Train Tracker website by the CTA. Just that I know how long I'll be waiting. So Verizon announced they'll be getting the iPhone 4 in February. Makes me wonder what AT&T service will be like after that point.